neuroscience and social feeling

[Adam Blatner]

Hi Regina,
    You wrote: I am thinking, as I read your question, about sitting w/ my non-violent communication group and as people shared their authentic selves, made eye contact (though this is clearly cultural because some cultures do not do this) allowed themselves to connect to others, others responded by saying things like "I feel more connected to you now."

   (AB: This line especially intrigued me!)   I've also felt continued reservation about a member of the same group even after he made himself more vulnerable, spoke from his heart rather than his head, as soon as he went back to his head and to his "story."
      
AB: There are those---and I may be one, or at least on the border of this---whom others find painfully intellectualized. The capacity to "get out of one's head" may vary as a matter of temperament or social intelligence. This may be a spectrum, from the autistic to aspergers to nerdy to intellectualized to "normal" to socially more sensitive and adept. 
     People who are in one state of consciousness tend to wonder about the others: Can they will themselves to be different? My wife, bless her heart, is remarkably adept with people and conversations---though it psychically drains her a bit and she doesn't go out of her way to do it--- and I am amazed at how she can think of what to say while I'm still mulling over the meanings of three sentences back.
       
I can't speak for your group member---there are many other variables possible. The fact that he wants to be in that group should count for something. I know I mean well, but I can be unintentionally insensitive at times. 

    The idea of offering social skills training groups for youngsters with Asperger's is becoming more popular. What about just granting some leeway for those of us who aren't that bad but not really socially adept, either? 

         Allee (my wife) does this by our agreeing to certain cues in communication, and that reminds me to look up at her on occasion when she needs it; or lower the tension in my voice, etc. 

   Warmly, Adam
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