applied sociometry?

Sun Feb 21 21:27:09 CST 2010

Hi Adam,

I meant literally the simple sociometry that i use in groups: " behind chai"r technique: theperson sits in a cahir facing away fron the group.The group is invited to offer spontenaously: what do you like/value  about this person,and everyone takes turns (or variations on this theme)-how often have we done it with the closest to us?

So,I just did.It was fabulous!!!

 Very warmly,

anath

From: ablatner at verizon.net
To: anathga at hotmail.com; list at grouptalkweb.org
Subject: Re: applied sociometry?
Date: Sun, 21 Feb 2010 00:14:33 -0600

Hi Anath, your point is interesting, because there may be a variety of things we can do with our family, but in many cases these are limited. I try with my extended family to just reach out. Interesting how their lives have become "busy" and the degrees of reciprocity are dropping, so that I'm inclined to take several cousins off my Hanukah-Christmas card list; send very simple and abbreviated post-cards or something cheap to those who are marginal; and possibly cancel those, too.
     For decades I sent family photos etc., and a few reciprocated, though rarely with anywhere near as much news or detail. Often it was just a photo card with the briefest if any message besides a signature. 

      So your point about family interests me because I'm reluctant to continue to be heroic---I feel like a sucker and a fool. 
 On the other hand, with people who do reciprocate a bit, I try to play, sending them what so far has been the only family tree, though there may be a distant cousin also helping this way. 

     Your point, in other words, brings up questions as to whom to do this with, what kinds of warm-up, what kinds of interest might be elicited, and to consider which situations would be poor selections for such efforts---if not contra-indicated. 

   Warmly, adam

----- Original Message ----- 
From: thana ag 
To: adam blatner ; list at grouptalkweb.org 
Sent: Saturday, February 20, 2010 7:09 PM
Subject: RE: applied sociometry?

Thanks,Adam for sharing your mehatainesteh's correspondence.
While I have done this with just about any training group,or any therapy group I  ran-I have never done it with my family.This strikes me as strange.
anath 

From: ablatner at verizon.net
To: list at grouptalkweb.org
Subject: applied sociometry?
Date: Fri, 19 Feb 2010 10:49:23 -0600

Dear Colleagues,
The following was sent to me by my "makhitayniste" (makh-i-tain-u-stuh)— a Yiddish word for a kinship relationship between the parents of one of an adult married couple and the parents of the other adult married couple—in this case, my son-in-law’s mother— a good word; we could use it in our vocabulary—there’s no English equivalent. Anyway, she’s caretaking her dying husband, a good religious woman, and not infrequently sends me sappy or sentimental things that I kinda smile at. She’s a dear, and I allow those gestures to touch my heart. The following, though, I’m passing along because it’s so sociometric—I have no other word for it.
My fantasy is that Dr. Moreno would jump up and down and say, "Yes! This is really what I have been getting at!" 
Applied Sociometry: Too Busy for a Friend? 
One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down... It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers. 
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual. On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much," were most of the comments. 
No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.
Several years later, one of the students was killed in Viet Nam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.
The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin. As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded, "yes." Then he said, "Mark talked about you a lot" 
After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher. "We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it." Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.
"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it." All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, 'I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album." "I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary." Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued, "I think we all saved our lists."
That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.
(AB: this next part is sentimental, some of the stuff I generally don’t prefer to get in my email. The ol’ send it along spiel. But in the context of thinking about sociometry, and of Eric Berne’s theory of the need for strokes, of giving strokes, and my theory that 73.2% of people live in a state of relative stroke deficiency, getting less than 61% of the strokes they need for optimal vitality—I see strokes as a kind of psychic vitamin— well... ) 
The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late. And One Way To Accomplish This Is: Forward this message on... If you do not send it, you will have, once again passed up the wonderful opportunity to do something nice and beautiful.
If you've received this, it is because someone cares for you and it means there is probably at least someone for whom you care. If you're 'too busy' to take those few minutes right now to forward this message on, would this be the VERY first time you didn't do that little thing that would make a difference in your relationships? 
The more people that you send this to, the better you'll be at reaching out to those you care about. Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own. May Your Day Be Blessed As Special As You Are 

Adam Blatner, M.D.
   website: www.blatner.com/adam/   

Hotmail: Powerful Free email with security by Microsoft. Get it now.  		 	   		  
_________________________________________________________________
Hotmail: Powerful Free email with security by Microsoft.
http://clk.atdmt.com/GBL/go/201469230/direct/01/
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://grouptalkweb.org/pipermail/list_grouptalkweb.org/attachments/20100222/431d62e3/attachment.html>