tele

[Adam Blatner]

Dear Marcia, I'm not persuaded.
   First, there has been a pervasive tendency to associate the word "tele" with one of its 
sub-categories: "very positive tele." I agree that when that obtains, psychic things 
happen more frequently. Also synchronistic things.
    However, there is such a thing as negative tele, and indifferent and neutral tele, and 
in short, the entire range of qualities, plus other sub-types.
      I think this bit of unnecessary jargon has put folks off of psychodrama; and there's 
lots of other jargon, too. When our people are immersed in it, language is felt to be very 
personal. There are certain religious formulas and the like that have a similar deep 
valence. But in terms of communications, other words could be used and the activity 
correspondingly demystified and made more accessible to colleagues who would like to use 
aspects of the method but aren't ready to buy the whole cultish package.

    I find these in-group terms strangely comforting, and enjoy having others with whom I 
can use them without having to explain them; but my preferences are different from my 
analytic role-reversal with outsiders who find some of the concepts confusing and can't 
see why we must be so precious as to use our own in-group jargon.

     I think, for example, that auxiliary ego or auxiliary is also weird.  I'm having to 
think about it from one who isn't immersed in the field. To me personally, I have become 
accustomed to it. But... if I stretch, the same function could be explained by a more 
familiar alter ego role, or helper, or co-player.

      I imagine someone replying, "Look, if you're going to use the method, learn the 
jargon. Stop whining."  Easy to say in a seller's market---but there is a lot of 
competition, and from a beginning counselor's viewpoint, the less of an experience of 
overload and unfamiliarity the better.   Warmly, Adam



----- Original Message ----- 
From: <mkarp11444 at aol.com>
To: "Adam Blatner" <adam at blatner.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 27, 2009 2:19 PM
Subject: Re: Feels like spinning plates


> Hi Ivo and Adam, for me, a timely discussion re: rapport and tele.

Spent the afternoon with my analyst colleagues explaing tele and the difference between 
spontaneity and impulsivity. I had explained the difference last week to my group of 
personality disorder and brderline individuals. One girl, a psychology student said she 
didn't remember anything last week except our discussion about the difference between 
impulsivity and spontaneity. I asked her why she thought she was preoccupied with it all 
week. She said, "because I am impulsive and I hate it and want to change. I eat junk, I 
smoke, I drink and then I stop for two years or so and start the whole thing over again. I 
know I have two parts of me. One that hates me and one that thinks I am better than anyone 
else. But what is spontaneity?"

 We talked about the differences again, later in the session she burst into tears talking 
about the lack of support from her family and how they put her down and criticise 
contributing to her low self esteem, but " I know I am intelligent, deep inside, I know 
they are wrong." I said I thought her bursting inot tears was spontaneous. She was so 
happy that she understood that it came from within her and that it was a natural, genuine 
response as opposed to her impulsive outbursts with which she feels she has no control.

We then talked about making unconscious conflicts conscious, so then we can do something 
about them and can excercise control and have a choice in our actions. They really got 
that and it was like a cognitive light went on. Catharsis of integration? Anyway, when I 
met with the staff we reported on the session and talked about the mutuality of tele and 
hoiw important it is for a patient to be chosen by another and to know theywill be chosen 
because they feel, mutually, into the problem being presented. It is a working 
relationship. They are therapeutic agents of each oither. What could be better?

 As a speech therapist, originally, we used to talk a lot about rapport. To me it is more 
about how therapist and client are getting on, how they are relating, on to the other. In 
tele, the mutuality of the work makes it a working relationship in progress. Rapport is 
more a report if how they are getting on. You neeed good rapport to get on in a 
therapeutic relationship, of couse.

Tele is a different thing to me. It says we are on the same working wavelength. Last night 
my daughter sent me a text at 9 51. I called her at 9:52, not receiving the text until the 
next morning. That was tele working between us, not a good rapport. We mutually were into 
each other's world. Does this help at all?
       Marcia. P. S. Now all the analysts in my team are fascinated by the concept of tele 
and want to know if I can teach them how to put action methods into their work as it helps 
this resistant population think as the other, as doubles and in role reversing. We work 
with mentalizatiin and it is easier for the people to think and feel in action, raher than 
to talk about it. Both the patients and staff have cottoned on to this. Very exciting. I 
will soon run a staff workshop for them.  My analyst co-therapist said I think doubling 
and role reversal is the best way to help them think and feel and not be so impulsive, the 
bain of the personality disordered person's life. Let's hope!  Yes, we can. Marcia Karp
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