attachment & sociometry

[Adam Blatner]

The conversation a few weeks ago about attachment theory left me a little uncomfortable, though I couldn't say why. Then I found a new textbook about it and looked through it---haven't begun to read it yet--- but then it occurred to me: People tend to think that if there wasn't primary attachment at a satisfactory level that leaves scars. Well, maybe so; but what about people who were attached just fine in their early childhood, but then grew up or moved out into a profoundly un-attached teen and young-adult and middle-adult world---i.e., the postmodern society. I think it's probably possible with a fair amount of effort and consciousness to regenerate a vibrant social network that offers an adequate number of strokes, but I think it's also common that people---even those with "good educations"---can find themselves feeling unaccountably alienated. 
         I said it's probably possible, but I didn't mean to say it was easy. 
      And I think that if this is true, some of the insights of sociometry may be useful and helpful.
           
        One of the major themes I've noticed is that people do not disclose enough to others, and to enough others, to make it probably that one will find a congenial other with positive tele, reciprocity, compatibility. This is not just about romantic partners---though that, too---but also friends, social groups. 
         I suspect that worry and attendant inhibitions of a variety of types---such as not wanting to appear to be too eager or needy or vain---leads to a subtle and somewhat unconscious withdrawl---just a bit. One takes care of business, but extends little surplus energy into exploration, reaching out, giving feedback, sending thank-you notes, etc. As a result, the vibrancy of whole networks loses energy. I've seen it happen with some other groups, and I suspect it might be happening a bit to some psychodrama communities.

       Other factors:  Effectiveness and warmth and frequency of reaching-out from leaders; reciprocal comments and gracious interactions on, say, grouptalk---and most ASGPP members don't know, don't care, or fear that it would be too much of a drain. 

Back to attachment: So I wonder if this doesn't overlap with some thoughts I had about ol' Claude Steiner and Eric Berne and their theory of giving strokes, positive "warm fuzzies," as elements in building tele and group cohesion. Comments?

    Warmly, Adam
Adam Blatner, M.D.
   website: www.blatner.com/adam/   
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