tele 3

Sun Apr 19 20:36:06 CDT 2009

Hi Anath, thanks for playing with me. 

   Response to your point below:  Okay, that brings up another theme:
    1. Sources of tele. For some who are intuitive, your point may be good. But
  2. For those less intuitive, there are many other sources: A flash of eyebrow, a gaze or glance, and how long it is sustained, all sorts of nonverbal communications.
          a. then there are people who are a little clumsy at this, who don't give clear messages, or turn away too soon, or interrupt, etc. A hundred minor interpersonal flaws.
           b. Mix any of these with degrees of sensitivity to rejection. Some folks who are pleasantly accepted or liked will feel hurt, betrayed, rejected by the slightest lack of empathic attunement. They'll react to mildly positive or moderately positive with negative tele because of an oversensitivity.
         c. Some of these people rate their own capacity to attune higher than it is, just like there are many who rate their own competence in a role to be much higher than it is. They think they're sensitive, alert, attuned, and they are quick to use that self-judgment to feel that their "take" or "first impression" is accurate. Such people don't bother to check out such perceptions and in a not-insignificant percentage of the time they're absolutely wrong, or only a tiny bit right and mainly wrong.
          There are lots of folks who believe what they feel, think what they believe, perceive what they believe and vice versa, and I find it useful to consider that all of these sources can be profoundly misleading and need to be checked out, and double-checked out. Alas, I think that many if not most people don't do this.

      Nevertheless, your point is good, because I think most folks respond intuitively. Intuition, though, is frequently contaminated by simple prejudice, stereotype, bias, motivation, and many other sources of distortion. 

      Warmly, Adam
  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: thana ag 
  To: adam blatner 
  Cc: list at grouptalkweb.org 
  Sent: Sunday, April 19, 2009 8:24 PM
  Subject: RE: tele

  Hey Adam,
  yes it  mijht've sounded  as if I were referring to  a positively charged tele,or a positive attunement. I was referring  to the "under current": to my  experiencing of the tele as an  INTUITIVE attunement , attunement done intuitively,without the verbal mediation.which could be charged positively,negatively,be reciprocated etc.
  anath

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  From: ablatner at verizon.net
  To: anathga at hotmail.com
  CC: list at grouptalkweb.org
  Subject: tele
  Date: Sun, 19 Apr 2009 20:15:04 -0500

  So, Anath, you and a number of people react to the word as if it is the same as "very positive tele."  We are faced with several possibilities:
          What about negative tele?  People who instinctively don't like each other?
                        asymmetric tele--- one likes or is neutral, the other is neutral or dislikes?
                               indifferent tele?
              Do we change the wording here?

                    Is it possible for you to have tele for an admired other, a hero, ancestor, someone who might not even know that you exist? 

              Then about auto-tele: Reciprocity is difficult to imagine. Point is how do you feel about the different roles you play? Like this one, not so much that one?  Or should we not use the word tele for this?

            It is very clear to me that tele is an outgrowth of how we value different things, colors, tastes, feeling, values, interests, etc., as well as people. Perhaps it isn't right to call preferences tele, or maybe it is. But the dynamic expands into the interpersonal field where the other has the potential for reciprocity.

           I want to restate that tele has interesting features in that as it becomes very positive it takes on qualities that are not present when tele is mildly positive. I might even suggest that there are further subdivisions, in which certain kinds of very positive tele overlap with a willingness to get physically close, to hug, cuddle, or become sexually involved. Other types of positive tele still sustain certain kinds of intimacy barriers. These again refer to psychetele. 
       There are further subdivisions with socio-tele, with shared general common interest, shared specific common interest, degrees of enthusiasm, etc.

           What do you think? and others, too?   Warmly, Adam

    ----- Original Message ----- 
    From: thana ag 
    To: sewell.2 at osu.edu ; list at grouptalkweb.org ; adam blatner 
    Sent: Sunday, April 19, 2009 7:59 PM
    Subject: [SPAM] RE: sociometry's potential

    Regina,
    I've always experienced "tele" as intuitively grasped attunement,which probably comes closer to music, harmonics  -  stuff eperienced nonverbally
    anath

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
    From: sewell.2 at osu.edu
    To: list at grouptalkweb.org; ablatner at verizon.net
    Date: Sat, 18 Apr 2009 20:11:08 -0400
    Subject: sociometry's potential

    Adam,

    <<The other meaning of tele is just as important, and also more primal: It is the tele with some non-personal object. There are gradients of preference for all manner of things, including not only colors, food, or music, but also values, subject-matter, what is deemed relevant. One can have auto-tele for different roles within oneself, preferring, say, the emergent writer of poetry, becoming inpatient to leave, say, the parenting role.

    I have come to think that tele is as much a part of depth-dynamic psychology as anything described by Freud, Adler, or Jung, or any of their followers. I think tele plays a significant part in how much we feel bonded more to one parent than another, to one or certain sibs over others, and even more for extended family members, friends, and so forth. Variations of preference are not mere temperament, though there may be some overlap, nor are they the product of relationships-I think that's a residue of the idea that young children are "tabula rasa"-empty surfaces-who adapt psycho-emotionally to family and environmental factors, bringing little to that equation.>>

    Here's a different perspective.  My first reaction was, "Of course we have attitudes about objects, color, rhythm, etc."  And some of that may be purely biological or psychological.  But it's also, in part, cultural.  I grew up on the Mexican border.  I still favor hot, spicy food.  As a teenager in the early 80's, I loved heavy metal music, especially ACDC (Back in Black is still a fine album, even though most of the lyrics are appalling) because that was cool and hated disco because it totally was not.   My theory is that a lot of these aspects of our self, our self identity, or Ego if you want to go with Eckhart Tolle - fit in with the idea of what the symbolic interactionists noted to be the self as a social construction.  The same can be said for roles w/in one's self.  My framework, acquired through socialzation from my family, my social class station, my religion and the educational system has led me to value some roles over others and struggle with others still.  I, for example, struggle with the role of musician, I think in part because I remember my father yelling at my mother when I practiced piano - the point being that it was painful and a waste of time.  So I'm drawn to music, love to play guitar, sing and write songs but don't because the inner tape that says, "This is a waste of time.  You should be working or learning something of import.  And besides, you're no good at it anyway."  

    And yet, I would agree that there is something very deep with Tele... with what martial artists called the 6th sense - the ability to "read" the safety of a situation, but my sense is that it is something that relates to energy or harmonics rather than attitudes.  So I would like to see more of your thoughts on tele w/ objects, tele w/ roles.

    Peace,

    regina

    regina sewell, Ph.D.

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